Jane Rawson offers her unstoppable strategy
for writing a 50k-word novel

1. Start on day one. Spend day one making a detailed plan, preferably with graphs, of how many words you will need to write each day, and how long those words will take to write. Break this down further into how many words each chapter will be worth. Consider several fonts. Decide on one. Change mind. Think about whether to have chapter headings or not. Footnotes? Do you need footnotes? Type 'My Novel' in 24 pt ariel bold. Go to bed.
2. Day two: panic. Write two thousand words.
3. Go drinking on days two, three, four and five.
4. On day six, panic again. Write four thousand words.
5. Day seven, go on vacation for 10 days, write nothing.
6. Come back, panic again. Write quite a bit. By day 20 you will be at 20 thousand words. Everyone will look at you as if you have no hope of finishing. When you walk by, people will smirk behind their hands. You will know better.
7. At day 23, the gods will smile upon you. This day is known as Thanksgiving. (Those of you in Australia should organize to have next year's Easter long weekend brought forward to day 23.) Ensure everyone you know leaves town for four days. Do NOT leave the house, except at moments of dire need for inspiration (at these times you may not walk more than two blocks away, and you may not sit down anywhere). WRITE LIKE F***. Do not sleep. WRITE MORE. If people call on the phone, tell them 'F*** OFF, I am working on my NOVEL, philistine.'
8. Day 27: Finish three days early in a hail of glory.

Jane's 10 incontrovertible tips for writing a 50k-word novel

1. Red wine seems like a good idea. It's not.
2. Beer doesn't seem like a good idea, but it is.
3. You will want to drink whiskey. There's nothing wrong with this. But play it smart: look for Bushmills on special, and drink it slowly, with lots of ice.
4. Try to dream about your novel, so as not to waste precious hours on pointless sleep.
5. Do not worry. Just write. WRITE. Everything you write will be awful, but don't worry. KEEP WRITING. DON'T GO BACK.
6. Don't read a single word of the thing until you've finished. That way it'll seem like something someone else wrote, and you won't feel like as much of a dick when you laugh at your own jokes.
7. Showers help. In fact, consider putting a whiteboard in the shower.
8. Start writing down, now, every single thing you hear every single person say. Write down every dumb thought that enters your head. You will need it.
9. Make a spurious structure for your novel, to help you when you get stuck. I made a mix tape, then allocated a chapter to each song on the tape. When I had no ideas, I just stole ideas from the relevant song.
10. Cheat. Don't listen to Baty and his, 'oh, you should start with a fresh idea' nonsense. Use old stuff you've already written. Have characters read great scads of Dostoevsky or watch endless episodes of Sex & the City. Steal ideas from other people's books. Steal ideas from your friends. In fact, now would be a good time to start asking friends, 'so, if you wrote a novel, what would it be about?'

Rolf Nelson's tips | Ryan Dunsmuir's tips
John Sanders' tips | Chris Baty's tips